Helplessly Hoping

: Image by amanky via Flickr

I’ve written a couple of posts having to do with my frustration in dealing with things my elderly father has done to put himself in financial jeopardy. I’m not going to go into a lot of detail here, but last night everything hit a low point. I will just say that some enterprising individual convinced him it was a good idea to perform a favor and deposit a rather large check into his bank account and write some checks for this “friend.” This all came to my attention when Dad called my sister to ask her for money to buy groceries.

I’m going to be real honest here and admit that I did not handle it well. I called my father and read him the riot act and proceeded to list a number of things that he was going to have to do. And then when he told me to stop telling him what to do, I went even further off the deep end.

I am really struggling with letting go of this situation because my dad is 86 years old, and I think there’s a sense of obligation to take care of him. However, the fact is I have no control over what he is going to do, and despite my best efforts to warn him against such things, he’s going to do what he wants. His actions are totally out of my control.

There’s a part of me that just wants to pull back and wash my hands of everything. Even though he’s a danger to himself…at least financially…it would be a difficult and expensive proposition to get legal control over his affairs. And frankly, I don’t have the money or the energy to do that.

My options are pretty limited, but I can do a couple of things. The first I’ve already done, which is to place an order for groceries with a local supermarket which will be delivered tomorrow. It’s pretty obvious that sending him cash or a check is not a good idea. Second, I’m am going to contact the case manager from the local agency for elderly care services who has been working with him and make her aware of the situation. Maybe if she contacts Dad directly she can get him to file a report with Protective Services to open an investigation into financial abuse.

Finally, I’m going to resort to the only real option that I have, which is prayer. At this point, I can only hope that God can do something to help protect my father from himself, because I sure can’t do that.

I’ve commented on my anger towards people who victimize the elderly in past posts. It’s most frustrating because putting a stop to it is almost impossible. If you know someone who is doing this, or if you suspect they are doing it, don’t sit by and think someone else will do something. Report them. Do it anonymously, do it overtly, just do something. And if you ever hear someone joking about something like this, tell them my dad’s story. Maybe they won’t think it’s so funny any more.

First Bank Offers Tips For Seniors To Protect Themselves (prweb.com)
First Bank Recognized In Fight To Stop Elder Financial Abuse (prweb.com)
Financial abuse of seniors a hidden crisis: Minister (canada.com)
How Banks, Marketers Aid Scams (online.wsj.com)

Dawn

Sorry about your Dad Lee.
As I said, there are always predators waiting for the right person to come along.
It's a sad sad world.

Tarheel Rambler

You are correct, Dawn. I just wish Dad wasn't such a willing, cooperative target.

FerdC

Oh, Lee, how very frustrating! Gail's dad does similar stupid things. He has been an alcoholic all his life, and had a disabling stroke several years ago surely related to his drinking and to untreated hypertension which he chose to ignore. So, he doesn't think straight. He falls sucker to many scams that come his way, mainly by regular mail. And, like your dad, you can't tell him what to do.
It really is a difficult thing to legally take control of someone else's finances. And then you have the daily obligation to run TWO households. And it's less than a thankless proposition. You can bet there would be ill feelings and harsh words as your reward. I don't blame you one bit for not wanting to take that on. Neither has Gail, or any of her 3 siblings. He has always ignored advice. He has paid the price and continues to do so.
Beyond your anger, I know there is the sadness that goes with seeing our parents grow old and suffer these indignities. We are truly powerless to change the ravages of time. We are powerless to change the thoughts/words/actions of others. You have put your dad in God's hands, and in my opinion, that is exactly the right thing to do.
Peace to you, brother!

meleahrebeccah

Yeah, okay, your dad made a mistake and I am sure he feels AWFUL. I just know he was probably snookered. My poor Poppa Sye is ALWAYS getting into BAD deals. and he is 89. He USED to be a very smart man. And he USED to be very wise, but now, he seems so gullible and falls for all kinds of scams. I get sooooo angry towards people who victimize the elderly. They really ARE easy targets. My mother had to step in stripped my grandfather of some of his credit cards and bank access. After the last doozie, now Poppa Sye only gets an allowance from my mother. he is NOT ALLOWED to make any money decisions. Its sad too. But it was for his own good.

Tarheel Rambler

What's hard, Meleah, is that this is not the first time for this sort of thing. And he's got a financial counselor helping him with bills and stuff. He was supposed to run anything by her before doing it, and he didn't do that. The good thing is that he signed an agreement with the financial counselor that said if there came a time when they saw that he couldn't make good decisions they could take over his financial management. Steps are being taken to do that now.

meleahrebeccah

Well at least that IS a step in the right direction! Too bad you cant UNDO
what's already been done. So hopefully the financial counselor will help
prevent this from happening again!