Role Reversal

When I was growing up, my father taught me that “there’s no free lunch,” and “if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.” Valuable things to know in life to be sure. Unfortunately, at the age of 86 he seems to have forgotten those lessons himself. And now it’s my turn to give voice to reason and try to keep him from making costly mistakes.

It is sad to know that humans, like other species, can choose to prey upon the weak, the sick, and the confused. The effects of this are no less devastating than when it happens in jungles or on grassy planes when predators, such as lions or jackals take down an injured gazelle or zebra. But humans preying on the elderly is more disturbing because there should be a higher intelligence at work, and the impetus is not one of hunger, but rather of greed.

While visiting my parents this week, I became aware of not just one attempt to take advantage of them, but several. There were piles of mail offers to provide the secrets of winning the lottery, or a major sweepstakes if the reader would just send the writer $20 or $25, “less than the cost of a cup of coffee a day for a month.” My father also receives phone calls telling him that he’s won a million dollars in a sweepstakes and “the money is in a bank in Florida.” All he would need to do is provide a bank account number so that they can wire the funds to him.

Thankfully, it doesn’t appear that my father has fallen for any of these schemes. At least not in a way that has amounted to large financial losses. But I became aware that he does harbor some hope that he might eventually find one of these bonanzas that is real.

I had a very difficult conversation with my father before leaving on Tuesday. I explained as patiently, and as clearly as I could that all of these newsletters, mailed “notifications” and phone calls are nothing more than attempts by unscrupulous people to separate him from what little money he has to support himself and my mother. I also explained that the same individuals are probably calling with different schemes to get information from him. Giving as little information as acknowledging his name to unknown callers gives them leverage for future calls, I said. And I encouraged him to admit to nothing and offer nothing in response to questions. He assured me that he doesn’t tell callers anything.

Unfortunately, I know that at least in one case, he did give a caller the name of his bank. When they asked for his account number so they could “wire you your winnings,” he declined to provide that information. What I tried to help him understand is that these con artists can piece together enough information over time that they can financially ruin individuals by applying for credit cards or charge accounts with false identification pulled together from bits of information.

It was very difficult and emotional for me to have this conversation with my father.Mostly because I realized I had similar conversations with my children over the years. Most of those when my children were in their early teens, preparing for them to go out into the world. Now, it seems it’s time for me to protect my aging parents from a world they no longer fully understand. Although my parents don’t use the Internet at all any more, I had to explain that it is still something that can be used against them. The information that can be culled from there will make it seem as if a caller that you don’t really know is a long lost friend.

The simple fact is that I, and my sisters, have become my parent’s protectors. Because we are not living in the same area where they are this is very challenging. Thankfully, there are programs and services available to them that can be our surrogates in this role. I am happy that I was able to set the ball rolling to establish some of these services during my visit and will be working with a case manager to monitor my parents and their ability to take care of themselves. I just wish there weren’t so many wolves out there looking to sink their teeth into this vulnerable prey.

Growing Old Disgracefully (lifehack.org)
The New Old Age: Financial Abuse (newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com)
Meals on Wheels (fightingmonsters.wordpress.com)
Friday Mix (fightingmonsters.wordpress.com)

Mary Lee

I remember those days all too well and when they live in a different area, it's oh so hard! My mother was sharp and curmudgeonly enough to hang up on those calls, but other relatives fell victim. When they're lonely, want to be helpful, and someone calls.... Somehow every sucker list in the world--not even just USA--finds them. And they feel like they must open all the mail: all those pleas for money. Dementia makes it so much worse.

Recently I read that even with just the last four digits of a social security number, they're often able to come up with enough for a scam.

Do you think that, having seen just how shameless and heartless people can be, we will be wiser when we are "that age" or will there always be a new scam...?
.-= Mary Lee´s last blog ..The Merry Gentleman =-.

Lee

It is difficult living so far away from them. Thankfully, I was able to arrange some excellent support for them while I was visiting, so that will help.

dawn

This is really sad Lee but unfortunately it happens all the time. My sister once had a job selling vacuum cleaners door to door. She was encouraged to prey on the elderly because they were lonely and would probably let her in just for the company... and they usually bought a vacuum cleaner.
My sister ended up quitting because her conscience got the better of her.
.-= dawn´s last blog ..Sunday Stealing =-.

Lee

It is sad, Dawn. I don't understand a mentality that will let these crooks victimize the elderly and the vulnerable. It's just outside of my comprehension. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. It's just another example of how greed rules behavior in today's world.

meleah rebeccah

"Thankfully, it doesn’t appear that my father has fallen for any of these schemes"

Um. Yeah. My grandfather who just turned 89 is forever falling victim to scams and no matter how much my mother and father TRY to protect him from these kind of things we see him [time and time again] wasting money on terrible scams. What is even more upsetting is my grandfather really used to be such a smart man, I am always SHOCKED when I find out how easily he falls for such obvious lies. It makes me sick to know that people profit praying on the feeble minded.
.-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..Difficulties When Buying Birthday Cakes, And, Non-Stop Pouring Rain =-.