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You Can’t Go Home

Illinois, showing major cities and roads

Image via Wikipedia

Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like had I grown up, married, and lived in the same place for my whole life. I’ve mentioned here in earlier posts how much I’ve moved around in my life. One of the by-products of that is a lack of detailed memories of some of the places I lived. In fact, prior to 5th or 6th grade, I really don’t remember a lot about my elementary school days. Memories of early childhood are fragmented and fleeting.

I have a couple of friends who can rattle off the names of almost every teacher they ever had in school. I suspect that they are able to do that because those teachers we part of the communities where my friends spent the majority of their lives. The adults who taught them were also members of the church communities, social circles and sometimes even extended families. That makes it a little easier to retain memories I think.

Next week I will be traveling back to the Midwest to visit my parents and three of my children and their families. While I’m there, I will also be connecting with some friends from my past who I haven’t for 15 years or more. I’m excited, but I’m also a little nervous. Past experience tells me that while the visits won’t be unpleasant, they might be a little strained. After all, we really haven’t had any common experiences for several years. I’ve played over possible conversations in my head, trying to create a scenario where it will be a good experience of renewing friendships.

As much as I wonder what it would have been like to live in the same place for life, I don’t regret the life I’ve lived in the least. I have experienced life in many interesting cities and towns, and I think I’m a better person because of those experiences. Living in Green Bay, Wisconsin, I got to enjoy my favorite football team in way I couldn’t anywhere else. In Lafayette, Indiana, I got a chance to get the degree that I wanted so badly to finish…even if I was 45 years old when I finally got that done. And in North Carolina, I have the best of both worlds — the ocean and the mountains. Plus, I’ve come back to the part of the country where my family originated in the 1700s.

I have had one experience in North Carolina that I would not have had if I hadn’t moved here. I met someone with my last name who wasn’t related. I had never had that experience before. Plus, when I tell people here my last name I seldom have to spell it. Back in Illinois…and almost everywhere else I’ve lived…people often spelled it wrong even after I spelled it for them. Everyone wanted to add an ‘r’. No matter how many times I pronounced my name they wanted to add that ‘r,’ and it’s pretty clear there isn’t one when I say the name. I suspect a lot of people thought I was a little slow and couldn’t say or spell my own name.

When I talk about going back to Illinois, or Indiana, I never say that I’m going home. My home is now in North Carolina. I’m just going back to a place where I used to live. I get the feeling that I should be a little sad or melancholy about that, but I’m not. I am excited about reconnecting with some old friends and sharing some of my experiences of the past few years with them. I’m also anxious to hear about the events of their lives. And when the visit is over, maybe I’ll have some seeds for some interesting blog posts. That’s the very best part.

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  • http://totally-pissed-off.blogspot.com/ dawn

    I spent my childhood moving around too. I hated the disruption and always having to start new schools. That’s why I made sure my daughter was raised in one place… to give her that stability.

    I hope you enjoy your visit and come back refreshed!
    .-= dawn´s last blog ..Dodging the dungeon yet again… =-.

  • http://www.tarheelramblings.com Lee

    I’ll be seeing four of my grandchildren while I’m there on vacation, so that’s a definite plus. Hopefully, that will contribute to the process of getting refreshed.

    Luckily, my kids stayed pretty much in a single school system. Only the middle two changed when we moved from Illinois to Indiana, but that was their only change. I tried to do things a little different for them.

  • http://merrilymarylee.wordpress.com Mary Lee

    I grew up in NC but my husband’s job took us to the Midwest while our children were growing up–Wisconsin, Illinois, Minnesota. We loved every place we lived and always felt it made our family stronger. (And you should hear our varied accents!)

    We encouraged our children to have careers they could do anywhere and not be subject to transfer, however. Unfortunately, we neglected to tell them to MARRY people with that same flexibility. . . which is why we have one in Indiana, one in Georgia, one in Virginia.

    We are back in NC.
    .-= Mary Lee´s last blog ..Silver Anniversary in the Closet =-.

  • http://www.absorbentprinting.com/blog Lindsey

    You know as much as it may cause some strains, I think moving around is one of the best things a person can do. It opens new doors and ways of life and I think it really teaches understanding and tolerance. It seems like you are of the same opinion more or less-I think it’s something to be rather proud of.
    .-= Lindsey´s last blog ..An Ex-American Idol Keeps On Rollin’ =-.

  • http://thebestparts.net Ferd

    I know what you mean about the anxiety of seeing people I haven’t seen in a long time, but who used to be friends, classmates, or acquaintances. But it is fun, and sometimes indeed it regenerates the old friendship.

    I learned from Dale Carniege (?spelling) that people feel most comfortable talking about themselves. So it is easy to ask them questions, and catch up that way. If they are really interested in me, they will ask me questions about my life. If I don’t get those questions, I politely move on.

    Nice post, Lee. And I’m glad you are happy with the way your life has gone so far. Wouldn’t it be terrible if you didn’t feel that way?
    .-= Ferd´s last blog ..The Blog Outside The Box Meme =-.

  • http://vixensden.com Vixen

    To me home is always where my family is, much like that saying “Home Is Where The Heart Is.”

    Enjoy your trip (most especially visiting those grandkids!) and pick up lots of ‘seeds’ for future posts.
    .-= Vixen´s last blog ..Selfish, Not Selfless =-.

  • http://www.tarheelramblings.com Lee

    My kids are in Illinois, Indiana, New York and New Hampshire. It makes keeping up with them and my grandkids a little challenging, but I do my best. Thanks for stoppy by, Mary.

  • http://www.tarheelramblings.com Lee

    It does open new doors, and some aspects of my life that are positive would be quite different had I stayed in one place. I can say without a doubt, my life has been interesting. :)

  • http://www.tarheelramblings.com Lee

    I’m really looking forward to most aspects of the trip. And the approach you mention from Carnegie is how I generally interact anyway. Like you say, it works very well. Thanks for the supportive comments, Ferd, I appreciate it.

  • http://www.tarheelramblings.com Lee

    I’m always on the lookout for post seeds, Vixen. :D And I suspect the visits with the grandkids will be full of those opportunities. I’m not taking my “good” camera, but I will have a camera with me. I’ll definitely be sharing the pictures.

  • http://mommamiameaculpa.com meleah rebeccah

    I absolutely agree with you when you said “and I think I’m a better person because of those experiences” Indeed.

    I have moved around A LOT in my short 34 years, and I’ve grown so much because of that, but now that I am a mother, I’ve stayed put for the last 13 years for the stability it provides for my son!
    .-= meleah rebeccah´s last blog ..My Nephew, Has Recently Become Obsessed With The Movie: ‘The Wizard Of Oz’. =-.

  • http://www.tarheelramblings.com Lee

    The past is past, and I’m trying to focus more on the positives that have come from my history. Some days I’m better at that than others.

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